Catching Up: Slowing Down

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I had a bit of a silent May. Not because I didn’t have things to say…more because I had SO many things to say that they all piled up on top of each other and it became impossible to say ANYTHING! And now I feel like we’re way behind on our correspondence, and like I can’t commit to Business As Usual without a grand and glorious Catching Up session. Consider this Episode One, I guess!

May may have started with a spectacular Mother’s Day celebration, but it went downhill abruptly: The next week I found out that a dear friend’s mother (also a dear friend) had passed away after an insanely lengthy battle with cancer. At the funeral, her eldest daughter spoke, and she said something that stuck with me. She said “No matter how angry we got at each other, we never doubted for one second that she loved us.”

And I wondered if my son could say the same.

I didn’t write about it, but Xander and I went through a rough patch this spring. I was stressed about work, all too often bringing it home with me, and all I wanted to do when I got home was zone out. It was so easy to plug him into a video (which he loves) and do my own thing. The more I did it, the easier it was…and the more I did it, the more separated I felt and the harder it was to connect with him, and the more we pushed each other’s buttons, until the whole of April stands out in my memory as one long, resentful, conflict-filled UGH.

Not fun.

Then my friend lost her mother…and I realized that I was Doing It Wrong. And the rest of May was about Making It Right Again.

I implemented little changes:

I started cooking my breakfast the night before, taking it to work with me, and then spending the newly-freed-up morning time drawing with Xander. This has been a rousing success – not only am I engaging with him while doing something he loves, but I’m thoroughly enjoying the 15 minutes before work begins where I sit in the lunch room with my omelet and my steeping tea and my book.

I discovered and joined the Hands-Free Revolution: I committed to staying off my phone as much as possible while Xander’s awake. I cut way back on the computer as well. I admit to slipping up sometimes, but on the whole it’s much better.

And here’s the big one, and what those first two are really all about:

I committed to staying fully present with my son during the short time we have together every weekday. That means really listening to him, engaging him in conversation, asking him to help me cook or clean, actually focusing on whatever game he asks to play. If we do watch TV or a movie, it means actually paying attention to what’s on the screen and enjoying spending time with him, not dragging out the laptop and computing while sharing sofa space. When I read to him at night, I point out each word instead of racing through with my mind on something else.

The past month has been about parenting wholeheartedly, fully inhabiting the space I occupy in the Universe. It’s also about shifting my priorities and figuring out how to still do the things I want to do…like write this blog post. That part is a major work in progress.

When I die, I want Xander to have memories of interacting with me, of feeling loved and valued 100%. And I want him to know without a shadow of a doubt how much I love him, because saying it isn’t enough – I need to show him too.

This mom gig ain’t half bad

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It’s Mother’s Day!

We didn’t “do” Mother’s Day when I was growing up. I don’t know if this was because my mom just didn’t believe in it or because my dad is British and didn’t celebrate it in his family (I wikipedia-ed Mother’s Day in the UK, and it wasn’t popular until the 1950s….which means it was kinda after my dad’s time).

Anyway, now that I’m a mom we sort of “do” Mother’s Day, but not in the traditional “flowers, brunch, spa day” kind of way. Nope, today I snuggled my boy as we ate potato chips and watched a movie, we went thrift shopping for summer work clothes for me (and I scored a skirt and 4 tops at 50% off!), we ate buttloads of delicious barbeque on our living room floor while listening to classic rock, and then I had a piece of incredible dark chocolate. And now I’m blogging. Kick. Ass.

Whether you’re a mom or you’re celebrating one (or, you know, both), do whatever the heck you want (or let your mom do whatever the heck she wants). And hey, if that’s flowers, brunch, spa day, then cool! I’m just saying, it doesn’t HAVE to be

Happy Mother’s Day to those who celebrate. And if you, like past-me, don’t “do” Mother’s Day, happy second Sunday in May.

The gift of minor illness

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This past weekend, I was sick. The weekend started with a trip to the emergency room and a diagnosis of strep throat (SO FUN!). The next few days were a weird cross between “Huh, this isn’t as bad as that cold I had in January” and “Oh God…sicker than I thought. Must…nap.” And, probably because I’ve never had strep throat before and had no preconceived ideas about how I “should” feel, I listened to my body every step of the way:

I took a long nap (and didn’t feel like crap afterward)
I lay on the sofa and vegged out
I asked for help when I needed it
I only did housework when I felt up to it
I read an actual book, you guys!

And when Sunday night came around, something magical happened: I didn’t feel that overwhelming sense of “wait…wait…I’M NOT READY” that the approach of the work week often brings. I was calm, I was rested, I was feeling pretty darn good.

There’s a lesson here for me (still…again…it’s a lesson I learn over and over and then forget, it seems). I’ve defined myself for years as Meg the Cardinal Sign, Meg Who Can’t Sit Still. Matthew the Taurus keeps telling me to be still (“be earthy”) on a regular basis, but I have a hard time listening.

This illness was a great reminder that stillness is fun and has benefits I’d almost forgotten. My goal now is to take that quality and bring it into everyday life, be it taking my full 1-hour lunch break and reading a book for fun, taking some time to unwind before bed, or simply not-stressing about not completing every single task on my to-do list. I’ve been working on that this week, and it feels pretty darn good!

Thank you, strep throat, for teaching me this lesson! Now, if I could stop waking up with a sore throat every morning, that would be swell!

Things That Get Me Through the Work Week, Part 2: Don’t Just Stand There…Stretch Something!

Things That Get Me Through the Work Week, Part 1: Behold, my standing desk!

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In case I haven’t mentioned it, I’m turning into a major alignment nerd. I read multiple biomechanics and alignment blogs. I’m seriously considering taking a course in alignment and Restorative Exercise because the exercises I’ve learned from the DVD series have completely changed the way I stand (not to mention my PMS, my lower back pain, my leg pain, and the overall shape of my lower body).

I mention this now because one of the #1 signs of an alignment nerd (along with calf stretching equipment and barefoot shoes) is the standing desk (to find out why, click HERE, HERE, or HERE). Once I was comfortable enough in my job to let my (alignment) freak flag fly, I started out using a stack of boxes and standing up to work.

…not the prettiest desk in the world…

For the record, people thought I was insane. Also for the record, while my feet got sore by the end of the week, the rest of my body felt pretty freaking awesome.

The cardboard boxes worked OK, but I really missed having work space to, you know, do something other than type – like take notes, put papers where I could see them, etc. And then I found the perfect solution (short of a $4000 standing desk, anyway).

Behold, my standing desk!

That, my friends, is a corner TV stand from IKEA. It happened to be the precise width and depth of my existing desk and within a half inch of the height of the boxes I was using. Plus, you know, AWESOME and about $100 including shipping.

The day this arrived I was ecstatic. #1, it FIT PERFECTLY. #2, HELLO, workspace! #3, PRETTY!

I’ve even developed a system to help the aching feet! I take my shoes off to work and stand on those cushy interlocking mat tiles wrapped in a yoga mat.

Just the yoga mat pictured because a kindly professor donated the mat tile thingies after I took this photo, bless her.

Also pictured: my Vivobarefoot work shoes (because high heels are the cigarettes of the future and wearing them undoes all the benefits of the standing desk), my half-dome for calf stretches, and my yoga block for hip lists (both of which I do daily…but I’m going to tell you about that a little later on).

Stay tuned for Part 2: Don’t Just Stand There…Stretch Something!

P.S. If you want more information about the suckiness of positive-heeled shoes and simple ways to eliminate foot and back pain, I highly recommend this book right here. You’ll never look at your sneakers (or your stilettos) the same way again! (For the record, this isn’t an affiliate-thingy. It’s just a damn good book that more people should read!)

No words.

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I wanted to write something important.

I wanted to write something for Rehtaeh Parsons, who lived and died in my city, and who was let down so tragically by the people she should have been able to turn to for help.

I wanted to write something for the people of Boston, who woke up this morning to celebrate their marathon, and who faced terror and pain before the day was through.

I wanted to write something about how important it is for us to connect with each other, help each other, love with all our hearts.

But there aren’t words for what I’m feeling right now. Not for me, anyway. There is only movement.

Dance with me?

Blank slates and reinvention

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There’s something about a blank sheet of looseleaf paper that just delights me. It makes me want to grab my rainbow coloured pens and start scribbling notes all over it, with some flower doodles for good measure. And that’s the way my brand new site design is making me feel right now: jump-up-and-down excited to fill it with stories and rainbow-coloured goodness. It’s completely simple, but I just adore it!

I’ve been having trouble blogging for months. I wrote about it here, but it had already been a problem for a while. I think it was due to a combination of factors: moving into a new home, moving into a new job, being kept in limbo while they interviewed other people for my position, not really being able to make any long term plans at all, and, honestly, not feeling at home on my site anymore.

The last time I revamped my site, I tried to make it as “business-y” as possible. I was going to make a go of my “biz,” and I needed a website that looked professional(er) and expert-ish. That’s what I thought, anyway, but it backfired because I made those changes and then proceeded to feel like I had absolutely nothing to say that was relevant to my business, and like I was a failure for not moving forward.

The website and blog became this big, ugly “SHOULD” hanging over me, and even when I had a blog idea, I ended up usually not publishing it because it didn’t feel right. And in the end I realized that what I needed was a total reinvention, a blank slate, a new beginning to reflect the major changes that I’ve been experiencing in other areas of my life.

And so I’m writing here in my beautiful new white-and-black-and-rainbow space. It’s simple, clutter-free, and perfect for me to write my way home in. I don’t know what other changes this year holds, but I’m determined to write through them and to share my evolving experience with you. I’m not going to worry so much about what I “should” share, I’m not going to read about branding or marketing or “rules of blogging” (they’re the WORST!). I’m just going to write. And dance. Hopefully lots more of both. And I’ll see what happens from there.

xox

Meg